In case you missed this in class, or just want to read it again. You can still use this for a critical piece for your portfolio.
Five Secrets That Must be Told
Secret #1: I loved you the very moment I laid eyes on you.
It was a day straight from film noir. Bleak, rainy, dreadful. I was being very contemplative at the time. It was the kind of mood where your eyes focus on nothing in particular, and you absentmindedly scratch your chain or run your fingers through your hair, and think about why everything had to become so wrong. I don’t know what brought my attention to that window. Maybe it was that it was partly opened and allowing small breezes to make the lacy blue curtain flutter ever so slightly. I approached it and got to my knees, pulled up the corner of the curtain so that only a single eye could be visible, and there you were.
You were facing away from me, with your hands on your hips and observing two lopsidedly built movers as they wheeled your possessions to the street from their mini truck. A cab pulled away from the sidewalk. You would occasionally gesture to one of the men and point to some certain end table or some little lamp or who knew or cared what you were talking about, but just the way your hand curved through the air was so delicate and perfect. Every tiny movement you made, from a shift in your step to the slow, steady rise of your shoulders when you took in a deep breath was magical. There was something about you, something I had never witnessed before in my life. And then you turned around.
I had never seen a man as beautiful as you before. I knew immediately I wanted you. Your skin was as flawless as the night sky, both dark and mesmerizing. You were toned, but not in a overbearing kind of way. I watched as you pushed aside a long lock of silvery black hair from your eye to behind your ear, and allowed the hand to continue to run down the side of your face, brushing along your short, lined beard. But nothing was as captivating as your eyes, big and chestnut brown. They scanned across the brick apartment building that you were moving into. My building. For a moment I think our eyes met. I knew that must have been impossible. There is no way anybody could have noticed me, I had just a sliver of curtain pulled up. And yet, I know it happened. And maybe I’m mistaken, but I could have sworn I saw the slightest upwards curl of your lips. But I could, and probably am, wrong. I let the curtain fall and ducked away so fast I could have never known for certain.
Secret #2: I had to know everything about you.
You were my goal for the coming months. Sometimes I would wander around the tenement building absentmindedly, and secretly hoped to catch a glimpse of you. I sat by my window more often, praying I could see you for just a few seconds before you were able to hail a cab and speed off to destinations unknown. I strolled through your floor, even when it was completely out of my way, nervously hoping you would just happen to walk out of your apartment, turn the key, and look left and meet eyes with me. I wanted to meet you. I wanted to love you. I wanted you to love me. But I knew I could never have that.
I discovered the number of your room the very first day you moved in. Apartment 317. I carved it onto a table so that I could never forget. 317’s window’s faced the Maples Bridge. I began to walk across that bridge every night. Did you ever see me? Even if you had, why would you care? Who was I to you? And yet I traversed that bridge anyway. I could never regret a thing I did for you.
I’ll forever treasure the day I discovered your name. I was about to walk down your hallway so that I could look upon your door and those gold plated numbers one more time, only to discover it was wide open! I hid by the door to the staircase. You were talking to a friend of yours. He called you Nuru. Nuru. It was ecstasy to my ears. I let each syllable roll off my tongue a few times in whispers. I closed my eyes and felt the love in my heart blooming. Nuru. My night star. My desert rose. I loved you.
Secret #3: You came to mean everything to me.
It was torture for me to see all those people coming and going from your room. Men would laugh and shake hands with you at your door. Women would hug you, or kiss your cheek, or worse of all, kiss your lips. Those were my lips. You didn’t know it yet, maybe I didn’t even fully realize it at the time, but you were mine entirely. Who were these nobodies to be granted the delight of being able to enter your room and talk to you or hold you. They were absolutely nobody! Nobody in the world should have that pleasure but me and me alone.
317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317. 317.
That number was carved on every wall. That number was carved on every table. That number was carved into my flesh. That number was carved into my heart.
I didn’t leave my room much anymore. I never left my fantasies much anymore.
My dearest Nuru, I didn’t want you, I needed you. I needed every bit of you to be mine. No, you were mine! You would be mine! You were mine, and there wasn’t a soul in this terrible nightmare who could ever tear us apart. I would hold you so tight we would meld together. We would become one, one heart, one body. I belonged to you, but more importantly you belonged to me.
Oh Nuru, we could never be.
Secret #4: I am a monster.
Secret #5: I have murdered you with my own hands.
Oh Nuru. If we could have only ever been. This was my only recourse. This is the closest you and I could have ever been together.
When our eyes finally met after I broke through your door, it was not the reaction I had always dreamed of. Your eyes were wide with terror and you were allotted only a second of screaming before I covered your mouth and tore into you.
I absolutely discovered you. It was so intriguing to see what made little Nuru tick. I felt the heat of your breath as you cried. I could feel your hands as they futilely grasped at my skin. I could feel your viscera slip through the cracks of my fingers. It was glorious. You were glorious. We were glorious.
I stood and admired what remained of you Nuru. Tears welled in my eyes. Even broken and destroyed, you were just as beautiful as the very first time I laid eyes on you. Those big chestnut eyes dully looked up at me without blinking. I finally had you all to myself, just as we were meant to be. I cupped a pool of your blood in my hands and sipped.
Nuru, you are dead.
Nuru, I still love you unconditionally.
You were terrified when you saw me. I am terrified by the fact that I loved you so much. I am terrified by the fact that you were not the first person I have ever loved. I am terrified by the fact that you are not the last.
Goodnight, my night star.
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